Game of Thrones, Exclusive Moffat and the Best Episode of Doctor Who You’ll Never See

Well, the final day of Gallifrey One has come and gone and the hotel lobby is now full of sleep-deprived hung over and sad people. But, oh, the memories we have.

The Raunchy World of Game of Thrones

For me, yesterday started a little late, but after several cups of coffee, I made it to my first panel of the day about Game of Thrones. That might seem odd at a convention devoted to Doctor Who, but the panel featured Finn Jones, who not only portrays Sir Loras Tyrell on the hit series, but was also part of the cast of Doctor Who spinoff series, The Sarah Jane Adventures. However, this panel was not for kids. Showing off a penchant for cursing, nudity and sex,  Jones was a good representation of GoT.

The panel, which was moderated by fan favorite Tony Lee, went there. From discussions about cups that… ahem… serve to cover certain body parts to discussing the friendships on set to the dangers of sword fighting, Jones did not hesitate to tackle any subject. Needless to say, Jones is proud to be a part of something he deems as “extremely special.”

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For the record, as I type this, the fantastic Ian McNiece is sitting across from me. I also attended a panel with him and many of the actors here at the con about acting for Shakespeare. Having done several years of repertory theatre, I was obviously fascinated. Just call me a Shakespeare nerd.

The Best Episode of Doctor Who You’ve Never Seen

The final panel of the day was probably my favorite. Imagine this: a room full of Doctor Who fans are given the task of coming up with a Doctor Who episode.

Our episode, titled “You Can Keep Your Hat On” would make Stephen Moffat jealous of our mad creativity. Set on the planet Karaoke, all 11 Doctors walk into a bar. The bar has a large piano the size of a city block that is being played by a Cyber King named Frank. Frank wears a top hat. The 11th Doctor begins to sing a duet with Clara and because of the song’s power, he begins to regret his life. He then sends Clara to the First Doctor. Little does the Doctor know that Clara has a thing for old men and she falls madly in love with him and the two have an affair. This irks Professor Yana, Clara’s boyfriend, who pushes the 11th Doctor onto the giant piano.

The 11th Doctor is sliced into five pieces which regenerate into five Silurian circus midgets as the 12th Doctor. Madness ensues as the midgets begin to run around and create chaos. The Cyber King plays a song that results in the 4th Doctor’s scarf being set on fire and Yana being forced to regenerate into a six foot otter wearing latex panties with the face of Stephen Moffat. We learn that the Doctor is not only allergic to both otters and latex, but also to Stephen Moffat. Clara is also forced to regenerate into Morgan Freedman as God, in a red dress.

Fortunately, the 7th Doctor uses his umbrella to fly up to the top of the Cyber King’s head, all the while singing “A Spoonful of Sugar.” He kicks off the Cyber King’s top hat. Under it is Davros, who has been controlling the Cyber King all along. Every song that has been played has affected the outcome of events and the Doctors are perplexed as to how to stop them.

But then Turlough arrives on the scene with his power of bright ginger hair singing “Don’t Stop Believing.” This serves to bring the midgets to Turlough, who all think he is their daddy. Everyone begins to Gangham Style and davros is defeated because he is unable to dance.

Turlough uses his magic to bring them together, forcing them to regenerate into the 13th Doctor, Mark Shepard.

You’re welcome.

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Exclusive Stephen Moffat Interview

We were also fortunate enough that Moffat agreed to an exclusive interview just for con attendees. He spoke, obviously, about the upcoming season of Doctor Who and the 50th anniversary. The key points he made, though, are the following:

1. The 50th anniversary special will not be just a single episode or film.

2. One upcoming episode will take us on a journey to the center of the TARDIS. We will get to see parts of the Old Girl (aka Sexy) that we have never experienced before.

I will have much more from Gallifrey One over the course of the week, including highlights from the interview with Ben Browder to coverage of the (Not) Inspector Spacetime panel to photos of some amazing cosplay, so keep reading as I plan to live in that world for just a little bit longer.

Gallifrey One 2013 may be over, but the memories of all the wonderful people I met – both con guests and attendees – will stay with me forever.I will hopefully see you all next year!

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